Porsche It - by Rick Newton

posted Jan 31, 2011, 2:39 PM by Tip Top   [ updated Feb 1, 2011, 4:09 PM ]
Porsche It 
Aug. 15, 2010 Speech

Last week I gave a speech on how a Porsche in every garage will make things right for everyone.  In hindsight, that’s a bad idea.  

This past Friday evening I went to the Porsche dealership, and I sat in a 911 Turbo Porsche, it was black with dark gray leather interior.  I sat there for 5 minutes, now I understand what it means to reset your button, I was reset. And it felt great.
And for the next few remaining hours of Friday evening I had Porsche on the brain. I woke up Saturday, I had Porsche on the brain, and Sunday, Porsche on the brain. All it took was 5 minutes to reset my button.

Bob, that’s the name of the Porsche salesperson that was very helpful, caution when using the word salesperson, does not say salesperson when you’re at the Porsche dealership. Bob is a Porsche consultant, because according to Bob, a Porsche buyer already knows what he or she wants before they arrive at the Porsche dealership. And something else I learned about Porsche, Porsche has a driving school for new Porsche owners, this school is located in Alabama. Bob highly recommends that new Porsche owners enroll in this driving school.

Oh by the way, here’s another tid bit about Porsche buyers, the median age for Porsche buyers, according to Bob, is 55+ in age, that’s my age group.  And Bob has an 85 years young guy recently placed a custom 911 Turbo order for himself and a chick version Porsche for his wife. The chick version looks something like a small Lexus minivan. All I can say for this 85 years young guy, he is proving that there is a future at 85.

And after my stopover at the Porsche dealership, I got to thinking in a whole different direction than my original idea. And that direction is this. If a large corporation wants to increase productivity, increase moral, improve its products and services, all is needed is a Porsche in the break room.  Employees will get the opportunity during their breaks to sit down in Porsche latest model. And of course we will have a new English expression for this; employees will call this my Porsche break, the term, “coffee break” will be obsolete. And the cost, very-very low, it will cost about same as a television commercial. And at end of the year, make it interesting; give that Porsche to the employee of the year. I bet this company will have the most dedicated, most productive employees ever, and the best products and services.

The medical profession can benefit from this as well. If a doctor has a patient with the blues and feeling down, all is needed is 5 minutes in a Porsche and for that extra strength therapy, just start the engine. And if that treatment is not sufficient, take the patient to the race track for the ride of his or her life at 150 MPH. Now Prozac has some real competition with no side effects.

And what about our educational system, can we use a Porsche to get students motivated? Sure we can. We can have the brightest students. But we can’t have 18-25 year olds in a Porsche. That would be very disastrous Nothing against 18-25 year olds, but I remember when I was 25. Youth and speed is a bad mixture. What I would suggest is this, since young people are so involved with their cell phones, we can have Porsche applications, give it to them for free, I don’t know what this application will do. Just say it’s an application that is greater and better than twitter and face book combined. That will work, I hope.

Now here’s the big question, how do we get the masses of people the same opportunity to sit in a Porsche? Can you imagine if the population of Fort Worth converging on our one and only Porsche dealership in Fort Worth.

First, have Porsche in malls. We see other cars in malls and its sure way of getting more shoppers in the mall. Especially guys like me. That’s practical and doable.
Next, we need just one more city ordinance, just one.  Every park will require a Porsche in it for public access.  I know what you are thinking; it will be stolen, maybe, maybe not.
Put a sign up, not just any sign with nice wimpy words. I like signs that get the point across with a clear understanding. We all have seen signs with the wording, “No parking” with a tow truck picture. Now that’s a wimpy sign.

This is the opposite of a wimpy sign, with the wording, “I Dare You to Park here”, and I double dare you, with a picture of two big dogs. Now that person will pull out their cell phone take a picture and picture text this sign to friends. And park at the wimpy sign. I don’t know if this sign would be legal, but I am betting it will be effective.

Now here’s the park sign that I would put in front of a Porsche.  This sign might make it on Y-Tube. And after reading this sign I believe a person might think twice or more before stealing the Porsche from the city park. 

Combining 2 grade simplicity with Clint Eastwood.
The sign will read “This Porsche is satellite monitored”, stealing this Porsche = Jail forever. Forever. Do you feel lucky, Go ahead and make my day”.  That’s from Clint Eastwood movie, “Dirty Harry”.

Tip Top,
Jan 31, 2011, 2:41 PM